unhaired's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- shrapnel is shrapnel, and at the end of the day, i am alone with the things i have done over-anxious roomate, love me stitched in her hairrrrrrrrss.s.... i dont really know. i dont feel connected to anybody anymore. not... who i used to BREATHE. i've finally... succeeded in alienating/phasing out/getting rid of the important people in my life. i am alone in the city - no family. most of my best friends dont talk to me, and truth to tell id ont really put the effort out there either. i have chris, and to that i must quote a softer world: on days like this i would just disappear if it weren't for you and your love... like nails in my feet. i am almost.... there. almost in a place where all the neccesary connections have been severed, socially, emotionally... that i could just leave. i am sitting snug in the warm blanket of my own... cockiness. i keep feeling them snap. connections. the recoil's a bitch but it's quieted down now. i still look into crhis' eyes [so green.] and feel his hands around my heart.... at the same time i'm clutching his. i'm scared, i really am. i don't want to fall back into those habits. not after i have managed to get this far, become... this. i dont know. i dont know what "this" is or if it's good/bad, but... it feels RIGHT, for once. and it feels right to wake up next to him, plan a trip to the okanagan in september, talk about stupid shit, make fun of him for being a redneck and him making fun of me for being a dork. i don't know. i dislike this sort of conflict. i think i'm addicted, though. i need a fucking cigarette. and some ginger ale. i don't feel like drinking. 9:07 p.m. - Saturday, May. 26, 2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - 100=0 my tongue is paralyzed. i am going insane. blah de fucking blah 9:04 p.m. - Saturday, May. 26, 2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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